Yes.... HBAC :)

I'm 16 weeks today and starting to get my mini baby bump :) I get little kicks here and there from baby, which feels incredible, and pregnancy is going very well.

I'm giving a little update about a recent decision of ours, which I believe, is an experience worth blogging about. :) We have decided to attempt a Home Birth After Cesarean (HBAC). I know what most of you are thinking... "I'm crazy." BUT this was not a light-hearted decision. I've been doing so much research on VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) , reading, watching videos, talking with women that have had VBACs, talking with doulas that have witnessed VBACs, going to ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network?... that's close) meetings and after all that... have made this decision. I actually was sold before Josh.. and I had to wait for him to come around before making this decision cause there was no way in HEck- I was going to do this without his full support. So I practiced patience, which is not something I'm too good at, but I think I did pretty good.

We were nervous to tell the family what we were doing, but MUCH to our surprise, they are supporting us 100% and are excited with us. Praise God for that cause that doesn't happen very often that family supports home births in our culture and we consider ourselves blessed with the family we have.

I understand the risks....I've learned that it's NOT 2% risk of rupture with VBACs.. it's .5%!! Even more rare, AND the more natural you labor and deliver, the better the chance you have at a successful VBAC. What I have learned is when you induce, using interventions (breaking waters, pitocin, etc.), or use pain meds. that may slow down labor in order for certain interventions, essentially things that are making the uterus do what it's not truly ready for,  the risks for rupture are greater. So.. my attempt to go strictly "all natural" is the result of this information learned. I'm not scared of the pain, cause labor is and always will be hard work, but any nerves I do have are normal, praying that nothing happens to baby. (and that's at home or in the hospital, mind you, all 3 hospitals are right around the corner from our house)

I've always toyed with the idea of a home birth but thought it was out of my reach, thinking that I could never do it. I didn't have confidence in myself or my body. When the c-section happened, I thought my chances of ever doing a home birth were none. But as I've been thrusted into this world of c-section knowledge and people, I've been able to learn so much, realizing there's a lot of women that purposely do HBAC in a better attempt to successfully carry out their VBAC. I thought... "well this is baking my cake and eating it too!"(and yes, I do believe that happens sometimes in life)

Now the trick, finding a midwife that does VBACs at home... I found one... yes, one. The other home birth midwives feel VBACing at home is a little too much of a risk, but this particular midwife, believes in women's abilities to give birth, by trial, where ever they see fit. (of course, there are certain terms that she won't do births at home, but I'm not one of them :)  She's not extreme, she knows there's a time and a place for the hospital when it comes to complications or higher risk births, but she gives you the support, encouragement, and confidence it takes to deliver successfully at home if she really feels you are able. She has delivered many VBACs and I've talked to a few women who have VBACed with her.(I've talked with a woman who did a HBA2C with her) I'm confident she'll take good care of us.

The thing you have to remember and think about is that these home birth midwives.. because they are not at the hospital, are trained to notice complications early, probably earlier than an OB. (whose not even really present yet, until you start pushing) That's comforting to me.

I'm dreaming about this.. not being at the hospital idea...
I'm in my own clothes, in my own house, eating my own food (yes when I want to, even during labor), drinking whenever I want, being in my own big fluffy bed, being able to cuddle up to Josh whenever I want to, pushing my baby out sitting in a position that I want to, that might be against hospital policy, having my kids around to enjoy baby's arrival, holding my baby once he/she emerges from me, not having to give it up for  exams that they could very well do on my chest, having a calm, warm home environment (vs. cold hospital), while nice hearty stew is going in the crockpot while I labor so it's done when I'm good and hungry after baby's born, no vitals constantly through day and night for the following couple days, no being woken from precious sleep except for my new baby's cry.... I'm lovin this idea the more I think about it.

Now, of course, Kailan prepares for the "in case"... it's in the back of my head that I may still end up in the hospital if something starts to go wrong... but I'll keep that in the back of my head, where it belongs cause  after our 2 hour long conversation at our appt. this week with this midwife discussing her doing my home birth, she left me with...

"We are going to get through this in faith."  -Sheryl Puderbaugh

So Much to Say...

First of all, these anniversaries that we have just passed have put me in a whirlwind. I quickly chalk it up to being in my first trimester (which I'm just reaching out of) while dealing with all these emotions, but for some reason, it's hit me a little more about Dad's death anniversary.

Although September is my favorite month, hands down. It comes with all these bittersweets.

Sept. 2nd, my Dad has been gone for 11 years!! I can't believe it's been that long. I missed him more lately. It could be my hormones talking, but this pregnancy has brought fear and excitement to me with the VBAC decision. AND Tesh has been doing so well, and Sarah is still missed, and my babies are growing up and one can't help but see their family grow and know that Dad isn't here to experience it with us. I know... he can probably see us now.. but it's just not the same. He isn't here to hug me and hold me in his arms and bring reason to me. :) He isn't here to show my kids all there is to know about "THE GARAGE" especially during "A STORM"  I want my kids to know their Grandpa Joe and they only know him through my stories. It just makes me sad... I miss him.

Then there's my beautiful angel named Sarah. She would've been 5 on Sept. 7th.
5! I can't believe she'd be that old already. The baby that all I can see as a baby would've been 5... I would've started Kindergarten with her, and I would've brushed through her long blonde curls, looked in her bright blue eyes, telling her, as well as Evey, that they are such beautiful princesses.
Isaiah had been having these "sad moments" this year about Sarah. Asking more questions and fearing certain things. It seems the older he gets, the more aware he is about losing his little sister. It doesn't effect Eve as much, of course, but Isaiah.... I think a part of him remembers. 





And then there is Eve. My little "princess" that reminds me everyday that she is my princess. She will be 4 on Sept. 22nd. She is growing into this beautiful little lady.

And Tesh is doing so well. Her head is looking great, and she is smart! AND funny! She's a riot, always trying to make us laugh. And I've been so proud of her social bug coming out, after she lost it with the surgery, she's opening up to a few more people.... other than Mom and Dad. :)

This pregnancy has been going great! No more scares so far and I've been so encouraged by many women that I can accomplish this VBAC. I'm not saying it's 100%, cause there's always that chance, but I feel empowered, knowing that God has designed my body to take care of my baby and deliver this baby. I'm not nearly as scared as I was when I blogged last, thanks to the all the "ICAN" support. I'm doing things to encourage a healthy natural pregnancy and delivery, and am excited about it now. Of course, it helps that I'm not nearly as sick as I was before either. The sickness is lifting! and I can really enjoy my growing belly, which that's one of my favorite parts about being pregnant. :)

So there's my bittersweet month as I know it. Enjoy the pics of my kiddos and Sarah's 5th Birthday Celebration this year.

Watching the balloons go up!








Eating cupcakes :)






Grandma Lyn and Isaiah having a sad moment together.

Couldn't help but take a picture of these three sitting together on the bench.






Our goofy Tesh!







No one would ever know anything was ever wrong with her when she was a baby. She's been doing soooo well.

And Homeschooling continues on.....

Eve is doing some pre-school work,

while Isaiah works on his 1st grade writing.

Daddy's teaching science. He was explaining how, "We are like baking soda, and God's love is like the vinegar. When we have Jesus in our hearts and we show God's love, like our experiment, God's love grows for all the world to see."

They thought it was pretty cool :)