Painful Blessings

There is a story that is not known to the small world around us yet, that has to do with a family member. The closer family and friends knew she was pregnant. She was so excited, filled with the natural beauty of a woman, elated to bring about another blessing, building another vessel within her vessel. Her lightness in her step was undeniable that she had great joy, no matter any trial that seemingly stood in her way, nothing could take this joy from her. We were all very excited for her. It was almost like watching a little girl dance before her father in a new dress that she knew she looked beautiful in.  

Unfortunately, our fallen world tore through this excitement and she miscarried. 

No longer the smiles and joys upon her face, but tears and anguish now tearing through it all, grieving that very vessel her body let go of. 

In our view, we are at a loss. There are no answers. There is no purpose to it. The hope of holding another little girl or boy of hers, is gone. 

I like to let myself dream. My daydreams usually fall into the world unseen. I try to imagine this little life right now. The only darkness it saw was the earthly death itself, but is that even a true darkness? I think maybe not. This life went untainted by sin, spared the wickedness of the world, loved by it's mother, through the joy of her first knowledge of it, and through her tears now. A life, loved. Loved. The knowledge that I am loved completes me as it has completed this little life, just the same. But not even just on the account of a human being's love, but of the Great Love. We must not forget that the love shown between humans comes from the same Great Love. I can not love apart from God. I can only love because God is Love. My dream trails on to the fact that God knew that this was going to happen. He was waiting for this little human being, just as He waits for us. Upon this woman's womb, He watched in sorrow (for He knows our grief, better than we can describe it) and He waited for the moment when He was able to bring that little life into His Kingdom. 'Safe' He says. 'This is Mine' He says. And they dance. That is my dream of thought and my heart holds it as truth. 

I had spent a good deal of time with her in the initial first days of this loss. How beautiful extroverts can be with their grieving, going in public, the need to be with people. That's something an introvert like me doesn't do. But I was willing to do what she wanted because this was her time to grieve in the way she needed to. 

During all of this, she told me that she was so glad that I understood her pain, and that we had the experience that we had in order to understand such pain. In one instance, for only a split second, I thought with my unfailing sarcasm, 'She's basically saying she's glad my daughter died.' I knew this wasn't true. And she's going to read this blog and probably want to apologize for ever even saying anything that might imply that, but I will tell all here and now... I know that is NOT what she was thinking at all. 

In fact, she was thinking rightly. What a blessing it was to be able to comfort someone like this. In my own trials and circumstances, because of them, I was able to walk by Scripture when it says, 

2 Corinthians 1:3-7

³ Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in ^[a]any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. ⁵ For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ. ⁶ But if we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; or if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which is effective in the patient enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer; ⁷ and our hope for you is firmly grounded, knowing that as you are sharers of our sufferings, so also you are sharers of our comfort.

Yes! Praise be to God. The Father of mercy that is being poured from my own trials and comfort that has come from an understanding the He has given me. He has comforted me through other vessels, as she is being comforted through me and others. We suffer! We suffer.....but we turn it around and comfort! We understand one another! We hold each other! We are not alone! We are Loved! We are Loved by Him through each other's arms. 

Do you understand? WE are His body. He is the Great Comforter, but He loves to use us to accomplish it. I cannot comfort apart from God. This is no less than I can not love apart from Him. When one would hold me as I could not hold my head up, it was truly Him who held me. When I held this crying woman, He was the one truly holding her. 

Go! Do the same. Share in suffering. Share in comfort. Share it. It is not hard to find a sufferer. Be courageous and comfort. Share that pure raw humanness. Just as you would dance with the elated person, be with the broken at heart. 

I do not say these things to lift myself up, but to lift Him up. He is the Giver, not I. I can not do any of these things, you can not do any of these things without the Giver of these very things. 

There is even more depth to this subject but I'll leave you for now with this; 

My sufferings were painful blessings. I trust, that for her, this will become a painful blessing as well, as she will one day hold another who is feeling the same pain. A gift of Mercy that keeps on giving, as faithful as the rising and the setting of the sun... so He is faithful.