Always a Child Involved Somehow

Little 5 year old Taylor, what a blessing she is. The doctors had found a tumor in her head, when her parents brought her in concerned about her headaches and the fact that she would vomit and then they'd get better. Right away, the doctor's operated on her head, removing the tumor, and then she endured rounds of chemo, to keep the cancer from coming back. This little girl grew skinny and frail, taking every ounce of energy her parents had to care for her. I remember my mom being somewhat of a comfort to her mother, for they were good friends. My mom used to provide daycare for them, and when she stopped doing that, I would occasionally babysit. So we knew the family well.

Taylor got sick before Dad got sick, so when Taylor learned of the news of Dad having to go through chemo, her face lit up, and she said," Joe, now we can do chemo together!" She would talk to him about her experiences, seemingly trying to help him with his nerves about it all. He thought she was a doll.

It's amazing, again, how a child puts things into the right perspective. For her, it wasn't about the chemo, it was about the fellowship that they would be doing it together, and her concern for comforting him in that way. It gives me chills just thinking about her wonderful heart. It was so transparent with her innocence.

We were all so concerned about her health for so long, but as she got better, he got worse, of course. God still had plans for her on this earth, whereas Dad's job was coming to a close.

She is a beautiful young woman now, full of smiles every time I see her. I will always remember the lesson that she taught all of us during our experience with Dad's suffering. She was that little light that illuminated the dark room that we would sometimes find ourselves in.

Matthew 5:14-16
(Jesus speaking to the multitudes)
"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill can not be hidden. Nor do men light a lamp, and put it under the peck-measure, but on the lampstand; and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven."

1 John 2:8
"On the other hand, I am writing a new commandment to you, which is true in Him and in you, because the darkness is passing away, and the true light is already shining."

....... already shining.....

Living in a Waiting

Watching Dad being incredibly sick was harder than words. Nobody knew what was going to happen the next week or month. All we knew was that there was this invisible ticking clock that we could hear and could not turn off. It wasn't us that turned it on. No power. No power to fix what was going wrong.

I remember one night, being closed up in my room, it was very late at night, I was half asleep, and I could hear Dad struggling, as if he were trying to vomit or maybe to breathe, but I could hear it. I could also hear my mom asking my Dad what she needed to do, in a panic. Then they left, without warning. I found out later that my Dad's long time suffering asthma was acting up so bad, and that he had not had his inhaler, for some reason. They ended up going to the store, down the block, and mom threw her purse at the manager, pleading for directions for an inhaler. Without paying for it, she ran to Dad and gave it to him. After he was able to breathe, she went back in, took her purse back, and paid for that life saving device. I remember feeling so guilty that I stayed in bed and did not help. Never again, will that happen, I thought. Even though it was not cancer-related, I remember thinking and asking God, "Isn't he suffering enough?"

I have a very charismatic uncle that came to our house to speak with us about the fact that if we had enough faith and prayed that it would heal him. With the groundedness that our family had, his message was not very well accepted. In fact, it felt like an accusation. We knew satan was just trying to put guilt in our hearts for not "having enough faith"

I have learned through my experience with Dad that there are people whom God decides to heal, but there are also people whom God decides to take. There are always reasons. Dad always taught us that.... for God.... if it means taking one life to save many others, or even just one.... then it's worth it to Him. I understood it when he said it, but knew the heartache that we were going to have to go through just for another's soul. That's what was hard to accept. It's hard to love others when grieving someone, BUT

In order to grieve successfully, you have to be selfless. Cause only then, can you find your "Why?"

As we went through all this, we knew people (souls) were watching us, seeing what we would do, watching our decisions, some waiting for us to fall, some holding us up so if we do fall... there will be little damage. I'm not sure if anyone was convinced that we would all push through this. Maybe a few who knew us really well. Like our close-knit family.

Although he was so sick, we still wanted to have as much fun with him as possible. So we'd go traveling, within Iowa, seeing places where he grew up, him telling us more stories.
At home he'd have to sleep quite a bit. He would get exhausted very fast. There was once where he was trying to fix our toilet (He's Mr. Fix-It) and he fell asleep doing it, right on the floor. We took a picture thinking it was funny, but at the same time... sad. He was weakening, never to return to the strong man he once was.... well not until he meets his Maker, that is.

There was unfinished remodeling in the basement that had to be finished. Dad was intent on making sure that got done, but knowing he could not do it. So he called his best friend, Uncle John Cratty, to come and take over. He brought more guys in to help, and the project got done before his eyes, satisfying that need to provide his family adequate rooms for his growing teenagers. It was a two bedroom house, but with those basement rooms it turned into a five bedroom. I remember him being so greatful to his faithful friend, as he watched Uncle John work like a dog. Dad told Uncle John to see to it that we are taken care of after he dies, and of course, he painfully agreed.

One of Dad's life verses, was from John 16:33, (NLT, Dad's bible)
"In this world, there will be tribulation, but be of good cheer for I have overcome the world."