Today Marks 7 Years

I was up at 4am.

As I nursed Ruth I couldn't help but go back to all the memories of "that" morning... 7 years ago, today.

Sarah was stuck on her 4am feeding. I was trying to get her unstuck by letting her go back to sleep when she awoke at that time. She had gone several days without waking for that 4am feeding finally, but that morning... I'll never forget. She woke up at that 4am time, fussed a little and then went back to sleep. She didn't wake up again til 8am. (which was her normal morning feeding time) The last time I nursed her was at 11am when we arrived at Mom's house.

As I went through the days events, I laid there so early this morning, gladly, almost smiling over the fact that Ruth woke up at 4am to nurse. Of course, tears fell. But it was like I was able to do the thing I wished I had done that day. Once more. Last baby. Getting through this time, what a way to start the day.

It's been a mix of emotions because on one hand, I want to give myself up to it and just bawl my eyes out. But then on the other hand, I want to be numb to it. Hold it together and just get through. I'm not ashamed of my tears, I'm exhausted of my tears.

What do we do on days like today?

Whatever we want.

We work on whatever project we want to. We'll relax whenever we want. We basically let our hearts lead in the process. If we feel like doing something in particular we'll do it. I don't like running into people, so we'll steer clear of certain places.

Just trying to enjoy the blessings I have. A husband that loves me so much and 5 other children to take care of.

ALL my babies... Tesh, not so thrilled...