Beloved, Blood, and Lazer Glasses

I have had so much to write about and haven't been writing.....  :/

.... that's a problem for this momma's 5 month pregnant brain..... let me start with the freshest for today.

I wake up today and my windows are already open because it's been so incredibly nice outside. Temps are so low (in July) that I haven't had to turn my air on in days and my house is sitting at a nice 72-74 degrees.

What is it about cooler weather that makes my heart swell? I literally feel "happier". That fresh cool breeze coming through the window, touching my skin as I sit on my couch, relaxing. Listening to the outside noises, feeling the reality that there's a whole world out there. It's not just me.

Because of the beautiful nesting I'm already doing, my house is fairly clean with little effort.... (the point of gutting one's house of clutter..aahhhh.... but. can't relax too much because there are more of them out there... I just have to use my super awesome lazer glasses that detect such clutter that I continue to ignore until it turns into a big green monster, and I'm not talking about a nice color of green, I'm talking about the pukey green mixed with some yellow that almost looks like baby poo....... wait. What was I talking about? oh yeah, I think a parenthesis is supposed to go here ---> )

anywho.

So... I'm sitting in my fresh smelling, somewhat clean house and I get on facebook. oh Facebook. Love/hate relationship right there. I see all these posts about the pain of a family that suffers through their sons death to suicide. He was a teen, who apparently was bullied.

It's amazing how bullying has been made the cause of death, especially recently throughout our teens. Bullying is horrible, don't get me wrong. To feel that people hate you, that you are "unlikable" is a horrible feeling. I think a lot of us nerds have felt that at some point in our lives. Gosh, I remember the days in school, I was the nerd. The girl that people actually called "the Jesus Girl". Certain boys would pick on me in a sexual way because of my disposition. I never had the mouth or the boobs for popularity .....or the fashion sense.... I got made fun of all the time for all those various things. But I'd come home to a father that thought I was beautiful, a mother that wouldn't let me get away with anything, and the few friends that I did have were pretty much like me. We nerds have to stick together. I had few close friends, and that was ok with me.

It is sad that bullying has gotten so bad, apparently, that kids are feeling the need to "get out" because of it. Bullying is always a problem, not matter the time, no matter the circumstance, bullying is never a good thing. It's basically the absence of showing love to someone. You are either neglecting them, making fun of them, or physically/verbally/emotionally abusing them. Those are never good things. It does need to stop.

But when I see the words of some people say that  "I hope those bullying kids feel bad for what they did." It stings because isn't that bullying them back? What a weight to carry. "A kid killed himself and I wasn't nice to him at all. In fact, I was mean to him."  I doubt these bullies are believing they were successful in some way. Guilt is what they will carry, always wondering if things could be different.

Guilt should never be someone's name.

I do feel so incredibly bad for his family and friends that have to ask the never ending questions of "why?"

You may want to look into that last statement again. Yes, this teen had family that loved him and friends that loved him. He wasn't alone. But it was his failure to see those people that did love him that lead him to his own decision of taking his own life by his own hand in that moment. He was being oppressed, not only by human beings bullying him, but more so, by his own spiritual warfare of lies swarming through his head and gave into it. That is the sadder truth about suicide in general.

I don't know his specific situation, but I don't have to. I have suffered through witnessing many suicides within my own family and friends. And their situations, in general, are all the same. They felt alone. They owned the illusion of shame. The illusion of guilt. They made a selfish decision to think only about themselves and their own despair. They did not look outside of themselves at the people that do see them as precious. They believed lies.  My uncle also once told me that when they do get to that point of feeling suicidal, it is already a mental illness.

Is their hope? Yes. God keeps those who belong to Him, no matter the decisions that they stumble upon. Is their hope for us? Yes. We learn and continue to learn what that love looks like, being a part of embracing and bringing heaven to people.

How many of your decisions, decisions you make every day, really reflect bringing heaven to people?

or do they bring hell to people?

But most importantly, the root of those decisions usually is based on the answer to this following questions:

Do you know that your name is beloved?

Do you know that shame is not your name? Guilt is not your name?

Do you know, your name is beloved?