the ultimate Provider!

I'm not even sure where to start. Let me back up a little bit.

Last Thursday, Naomi weighed in at 6 lbs. 2oz... not even her birth weight. I cried. Got depressed. I cried more. Got mastitis. Almost died. Cried more. Posted in my blog about it. and cried.

I've had a couple friends contact me since then. I have 2 different kinds of friends. The first kind are the ones who are sweet, they'd never say anything negative to you, they do nothing but encourage you, give you hugs, let you know that "everything is going to be alright." ...

...then there's the second kind. They are the ones that are still sweet, but they'll give me a kick in the pants if I need it. They hold me accountable and encourage me, they still hug me, and then send me out, with a swift shove to be on my way.

I love having both. It's like salt and pepper. :) Both kinds of friends have been contacting me especially since my last post on here. and I needed that. I have been feeling so encouraged. I hit a bottom this last weekend and I needed my friends to come alongside me, take my hand, and pull me out of my corner.

I have learned a few things about myself recently, things I need to work on.
A dear cousin said to me, after encouraging me to pray and claim Jesus' name for my healing and Naomi's health, she wrote to me, "don't let nursing become your god." As soon as I read that sentence, I could feel a little knife at my chest. I didn't think a sentence like that would gnaw at me. ..... ouch.

Then another mother, a newfound friend of mine, told me of her experience of having the similar supply issues.  She wrote to me saying,"I remember I had been praying so hard to be able to nurse and feeling so let down. But then God really touched me. I felt like He was saying that He would always provide for my babies and it wasn't up to me. I am so blessed to even have other options to feed my children, many don't have that. I think it was an area of pride for me, so God used this to make me more like Him."  (I underlined the part that struck me the most)

Pride? I was being prideful about it? ouch again. I know it's worth fighting for, but when the answer is clearly "NO" then it's a battle I must surrender to. Why is the answer no? I have no clue! All I know is that "no" is going to have to be ok with me. Can I birth babies naturally? yes. Can I feed babies naturally? no, not quite. It sucks.

I tell my kids, all the time, "No" and when they whine about it, and tell them, "Stop whining. You need to be ok with this" yikes.......

I was coming to all this before the appt. with the nurse practitioner to get Naomi weighed again.

First, (last Thursday) I got angry and decided to supplement her with a whole world of guilt and depression on my shoulders. Shortly after that, I had been mostly forced to surrender to full supplements because of my being sick. When I came out of that, I started willingly surrendering to it cause that's simply what she needed and I started letting go. Reading and hearing the words from my friends, I was encouraged to let God be God, and be stripped of my pride over this.

I am still nursing, somewhat, but she's mainly getting fed through the supplements.

It's been 5 days since her last weigh in. I was anxious, but somewhat confident that things would look pretty good. I read back in my posts about Tesh's FTT and at one point I had gotten her to gain 10 oz. in 2 days. I trusted the fact that I could do that again. ....

..... and I did and more! Naomi now weighs 7lbs. 5oz.! That's a whopping 19 oz. in 5 days people!! (and that was on an empty stomach too) It made the nurse and the nurse practitioner's eyes widen! :) I couldn't help but laugh.

Thank you Lord! You are Great and Merciful! You are the ultimate Provider. You are Strong. Forgive me for putting way too much stock in my ability to nurse her over Your ability to provide for her.

This is a broken world. But He has overcome it. (John 16:33)
"If then you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God." (Colossians 3:1-3)