I keep hearing a message that people look at "Christianity" as something that may benefit them. (worldly speaking) This is probably true of some people, but for me, I have a hard time embracing that for myself. Not because I'm ashamed to admit it but because it just doesn't ring true for me. Simply said, being a christian has brought about so many trials that I've had to persevere that I am far from seeing the worldly benefit. I don't remember a time where I even thought of it as a benefit, other than.. "when I die, I go to heaven." I grew up kinda poor and knew it. I saw death at a young age, I've had to stand watching my father's body fail, I've survived cousins committing suicide, holding my own daughter's body, desperately trying to bring her back. So much pain that has continued in my life, I've had to learn to stand on crippled legs because of my faith. Being burned and betrayed by parts of the "church" itself. Working so hard, just to make ends meet.Sickness. Bitterness. Depressive people. Do people still see it as an earthly benefit?
Remembering all the trials I've gone through, knowing there's so many more ahead, God help me... What keeps me going then?
I guess,.. I've found an intimacy in pain. He has my attention. He has given me a heart that desires bringing heaven to this hellish earth. I'm not just "going to heaven" when I die. (although God knows I can't wait for the day) But I've been given a power, I've held all along, to be able to be a part of bringing that piece of heaven, that piece of kingdom, that piece of God's love here and now. And that's the benefit. There's my sustaining hope.
A power that is not my own light. It belongs to Him, it's a part of Him. He puts it in me, so I can use it, grow it, give it, and best of all... drink from it "with" others.
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