 |
| Emily Crall Photography |
 |
| Emily Crall Photography |
Sometimes I just want to shout from the rooftops, "We are awesome! I love us!" I'm truly married to my best friend in the whole wide world. I have a few other "best friends" but this guy hits #1 on that list.... by a long shot! I can tell him anything. I can show him anything. I can be vulnerable to him and he just melts me. He knows me. like... really knows me. He even embraces my "Yoda" ears as "cute"...(to which I do NOT agree, but I can't take that away from him) I am so blessed to have him in my life. (and I'm pretty sure he's blessed to have me. ;) heh )
But that's not our whole story. Those are just symptoms of our story. People look to us for having such a great marriage and I'd be doing a dis-service to not reveal more of the truth. We have issues... just like everyone else. But I'd like to think that the reason we are as "awesome" as we are is because we look at each other constantly, and we both choose "us."
Like the movie "Family Man" with Nicholas Cage and Tea Leoni. They went through all these trials together and fell in love so deeply because of that. Willing to sacrifice that much more with every step of life, from the beginning, they would tell each other, "I choose us."
We both agree that we feel that we've been to hell and sorta back. We have had our share of mistakes. We both have made irresponsible decisions in life that caught up to us eventually, making this mess that we painfully had to trudge through in order to grow from it. Lust has attacked our marriage. Financial crises has attacked our marriage. Depression and anger are bitter frequent visitors. Surviving the death of our daughter, took it's toll on not only ourselves, but the way we had to make the desperate effort to know each other again. That was exhausting! We've had seasons where I was on bedrest with many minions running around and Josh had to do EVERYTHING! And seasons where Josh had to do something stupid and break something so then he had to be on bedrest, with all these minions running around and I have to do everything! 5 living children taking every ounce of energy we have left, to where at the end of the day, all we have left to give each other is playing rock, paper, scissors on who has to get up next to take care of the child that is crying because they need another diaper change.
When things are bad, we both choose us. Not "one of us choosing us", because it can't work that way. We BOTH choose us. When things are good, we are glad we persevered and chose us.
Several years ago, I sang for a wedding. The song was "This Way" by Jewel. I like Jewel. But I didn't like what that particular song was saying. The chorus goes like this:
"Say that you'll stay. Forever this way. Forever and forever. That we'll never have to change
Don't move. Don't breathe. Don't change. Don't leave. And promise me
Say you'll stay. We'll stay. This way"
As I pondered the words to this song, I couldn't help but think of how much I disagreed. Josh and I were so stupid when we got married. We were irresponsible. We were flighty or controlling... I'll let you guess which one was which... Our expectations were through the roof. The one thing we had going for us is that we were taught by both our parents the weight of commitment. I truly think that's the only reason that we were ready to be married at the green ages of 18 and 20. But I'm so glad we didn't "stay" that way. We grew. We got stretched. We got hurt. But we chose us. And now... it's beautiful. Things are not perfect now, they are still messy. I still send Josh warning messages that I'm in a funk and he knows what that means. And he sometimes still looks pitiful in his cast as he watches me helplessly care for our 5 kids and tend to house things that were "his chore" to do. Just the other day, I had to say something hard to him that was pressing on my heart that I knew was going to be a challenge for us. But it's still beautiful.
I hope this post helps you to see our relationship in a truer light. Yes, we are awesome. But as a wise person has said, "Awesomeness comes at a painful cost, that you first must endure and persevere and then repeat." ... or something like that.... ok... I paraphrased. I'm not even sure if someone else actually said that... But it's incredibly true.
Here's a video for all of you to enjoy. It's part of our Anniversary festivities. Josh hasn't been able to play guitar or any instrument (except the shaker) because of his cast. It's been driving him crazy. So we worked together to make it happen. I'm playing the frets while he strums. This song is near and dear to us because we did this acoustic cover at our wedding, 11 years ago. And it still rings true.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3R8t7ALsOQ&feature=youtu.be
 |
| Emily Crall Photography |
No comments:
Post a Comment