The funeral was just as I imagined it would be, back when we first heard the results of his gall bladder surgery, that there was a tumor. We, as a family, walked down the aisle, with Dad's coffin, closed, right there in front of us. Sad eyes all on us, with my hair pasted to my face from all my tears. The color black, in respect to the grieved. I hate the smell of Easter Lilies. Always have, always will.
I remember the burial ceremony the most. I sat there, in my soft fabric chair staring into the flowers on top of the coffin, that held the man that I will not see ever again here on earth. My high school band instructor, Mrs. Meunier, bless her heart.... she got together, at the last minute, students, my peers, that wanted to volunteer to play a song for this ceremony, because Dad loved the band that much. It was a good sized group, and my brothers and I felt loved because of it. As I sat there, breathing in the air, as the wind dried the tears from my face, listening to the soft sound of the band playing the song, "It Is Well With My Soul". Perfect.... Dad loved this song. It is an unforgettable tune that will stay with me forever.
Afterwards, I spent some time with my friends, back at the church for "food and fellowship". There is only one person that sticks out in my mind, that I saw there. Having played in the band, my Joshua..... well he wasn't mine then, but he was. I was still with my boyfriend, but my heart truly belonged to Joshua. The first time I saw him, 2 years before this, I fell in love. I was a little surprised to see him, since we hadn't talked much at all before this point, but his presence there made it more meaningful to me than he will ever understand. I remember getting a little hug from him, that made me melt. Of course, all of that, made my boyfriend a little jealous, but I didn't care. In fact, I became ruthless with that boyfriend, due to the way he had treated me all these horrible months. I dumped him a week after Dad died. I'm sure that was hard on him, due to him knowing my Dad from being with me, but I did "have a good head on my shoulders" and knew he was not "the one".
From that moment I mainly saw Josh at school in Woods class and band, later joined the Free Delivery crew. I actually did have another boyfriend before I finally landed Joshua... .. Bub.
I met Bub through my brothers, and he had joined Free Delivery. Bub treated me like a princess, respected me for my ways, and understood fully what it was like to lose a parent. It was nice having someone to talk to, that could appreciate everything you said. He was a lot younger when his mom died, he was 7, but he knew the grief and struggle of living without them. After Bub and I broke things off, he stayed with Free Delivery, and we stay good friends. To this day, he has a special place in my heart for being such a support for me in my grief with Dad, and treating me like the princess I deserved to be still, even though I didn't always feel like one. I'm told, he's off sky diving, these days:)
Going back to my family.... I remember mom, consistently falling to the ground, with her face planted in the floor of the house, crying out, "why!!!" as she desperately tried to learn things or do things that she had never had to do before. She threw herself into Free Delivery, making it everything that it possibly could be, she really did a good job with managing. The band had a good run for 3 years, before we all decided to call it quits and go our separate ways.
Here's a scan of the letter that Dad wrote to me in his bible that he gave me before he died. I treasure it always.
I understood it then, but I understand it even more now.
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