The Ultimate Protector at Work

I don't even know where to begin... Let's go back a little.

The night before, I had to say good bye to my 2 year old, Eve. (she's getting sick) That was so hard, I cried my eyes out.Then we were up late packing the last of our things, making sure we weren't forgetting anything. Then up early, cause I couldn't sleep and woke with a headache. I said good bye to another child of mine, 5 year old Isaiah... cried some more, but he did make it easier that he was so ready to say good bye to me so he could play with his cousins. :)
When I woke with my headache, I thought surely, this is a bad start to a bad finish.

We drove through a pretty good storm the whole way there. We brought one bottle with us, cause that's all we use, (yes, we just keep washing it and washing it. we were too lazy to go get another nipple that will work with her. ) BUT it broke through, so Josh had to drop me off to fend for myself at these scary neuro- appts. until he came back to me with a new bottle and nipple. I got lost in the hospital and was late to my appt. (which I'm learning most parents are late)
In the midst of my rough spots, there waiting to meet me just outside of the clinic was Tami and her family. Tami, is another mom that I met through the support site, that has a baby girl with left coronal synostosis. Little Abby was to have surgery the morning of Tesh's surgery. Right away, Tami greeted me with a hug. She is so sweet. Her and her husband are very nice, and their little Abby is the sweetest. She was asleep at the time. They sat with me while I waited to be called into the room.

When they called Tesh's name, I went into the room very apprehensive about what they were going to think about this lagging cough that she has. She is normally chronically coughing, but she was also just sick with a viral cold that she was at the tale end of. I didn't know what was going to be decided. The PA was concerned. In protocol, I was sent to the labs. I lost her med. bracelet on the way to the labs, and had to have a new one made. I didn't need that... All her labs drew normal. Anesthesia was concerned, but sent us to our "swallow study" appt. before they came to a final decision.
Our swallow study was interesting. The Speech Pathologist came to us and said, "This is very unusual" (of course, another Tesh move) He went on..." She has dysphagia, which is a fancy term for 'difficulty swallowing'. Usually people that have this have difficulty swallowing the thinner fluid and so we'd thicken it up to help them swallow it appropriately. In her case, she has difficulty swallowing the thicker barium, as opposed to the thinner." He instructed us to stop the baby food and they'll see us in 6 weeks, and see her progress, if any. I had started pureed fruits with her 2 weeks ago, and noticed she gagged and winced with her swallowing. I felt bad I had pushed her through all the gagging, just to be instructed to stop for her health sake. I would've never known.
It seemed all these things were happening that were hindering all this to work. I asked God, well... pleaded with God to give us an answer once and for all for surgery day. Are we to stay or go. 
We came back to anesth. just for them to break the news to us. He explained that the fact that she has a chronic cough and the irritated airway (with the mild asthma) that that's already putting some risk on the plate. Then the kicker was her fever last week, although small, they thought it best in light of the "whole" circumstance that it was "safer" to do the surgery later.
When will this "later" be? I'm not sure. could be few weeks or so. They said they'd contact me, cause she still needs this surgery to be done to allow her brain to grow normally.
Did I cry? yes. Am I incredibly disappointed? yes. Am I frustrated that they didn't tell me this information about the risks that they were looking at? (YESTERDAY) yes.

Do I love my daughter and will do anything for her? YES... and that is the main reason I can walk away from this making the most from this moment that God has given us.

Today I do not have to worry and prepare for surgery, BUT little Abby is here, and little Miles is here(flinnfiles.blogspot.com) and we are present.
We had a great dinner with Tami and her husband David last night. We talked almost the whole night. We got pictures of the girls together before their surgeries. I was able to visit the Flinnes and speak with them.

Josh and I had a good night's rest, NOT thinking about surgery. And Tesh has a smile on her face this morning that you can't miss :) I look at her and have a peace that she is being protected for reasons of the unknown. And I must trust that God is the Ultimate Protector and that I am merely her mother, the vessel being used by the Protector.

 (this picture is from her dedication on May 2nd, Pastor Todd led us in prayer over Teshura.)