Trials Produce Compost?

The grass is always greener on the other side...

No really. The grass, is seriously, greener on the other side of the fence. Because of the height of our mansion... er 2 bedroom house.. whatever, I can see over our neighbors privacy fence. It was a sunny moment (in this incredibly rainy season) and you could see their beautiful green grass glow as the dogs skipped about in it, frolicking in the sum beams. Their empty patio swings were beckoning me.

Then reality would hit and I'd lean over my window sill, looking into my own yard. The trees smother almost any sunlight wanting to reach it. Full of mud, weeds, and sticks, my yard looks depressed. I told my husband that our yard reflected our hardships and the condition we are in now as those hardships leave us in their wake, ....depressing.

I do have a small garden plot that's in the corner of where the most sun can possibly hit within our yard. I say plot in the most literal sense. I have not successfully grown any food in it, as of yet. (this year will be the 4th attempt) This is not my area of expertise, but I do understand that it's healthiest (and cheapest) to grow your own garden. So... I keep trying, watching the glowing green coming through the cracks of the privacy fence year after year, while our trees only get bigger.

I was watching this very inspirational video on gardening called "Back to Eden" http://backtoedenfilm.com/
His concepts for gardening seemed almost too simple. Could it really be that the ground just needed a covering to protect the dirt, in which to grow such good plants? Paul Gautschi, the man with the method, kept bringing scripture into his explanations as to why it was working the way he was doing it. He shared his wisdom in the fact that his observation of nature taught him about how God designed the earth to flourish. He explained that dirt needs a covering, because left exposed, it gets too dry, or it gets too wet, and all this other stuff he's better at explaining. He was explaining the importance of a compost covering. I'll let you watch the video, it's a movie length documentary, but it's very insightful. So.. as I'm being encouraged, once again, to continue trying my hand at gardening, I'm thinking about how to get my hands on some mulch like substance. (sticks, leaves, bark, rocks, manure,   any compost really... )  

Once again, I'm looking out my window, into my back yard. The sun wasn't even out and the neighbor's yard was still glowing. Then I saw it. My. Whole. Yard. Is. Full. Of. Compost!!! Sticks everywhere, the stupid brush pile we've been meaning to get rid of, the decomposing leaves all over our patio, the dead straw-like stuff that I still don't know where exactly it comes from lines our unswept driveway! I totally saw this as God's provision, His wink, saying, "k-baby, here's what you need, now give Me your best and I'll take care of the rest."

I really didn't mean to rhyme just then, but it hit me so deep, because all these years I've been doing, what this Paul calls "traditional gardening", and it just wasn't working. (I can't say I ever gave it my best, but..... not my point) Now, all of the sudden, the glowing yard looked so empty to me. They had no compost, no garden, just grass... beautiful grass, but just grass. I wanted something more than just grass, I want to be able to grow food, flowers, whatever my shady yard will let me. And now, I feel like it's plausible because I have a plan that makes sense to me.

I don't write all this out because I want you all to know that I'm going for a successful garden this year... there's a deeper lesson here.

Near the beginning of this post I told you that I told my husband that our yard reflected our trials and what it's made of us. Just like all those trees in our yard, creating sticks and leaves and havoc, is like all those trials, building up over the years, that have left our family worn. But truly, it's those sticks and leaves and havoc that have provided what is needed to protect the ground. It's the trials that are truly God's way of providing for us to help grow and protect ourselves and that special something that He has in store for us. He has a will for us and even though things look so torn, what's really happening is His work in us. You dig in our yard and the soil is this rich dark beautiful color that smells so fresh, like a green house smell, because of that crazy looking compost everywhere.

Using the "Back to Eden" method, I started my garden over.... again... swept my patio and the driveway of the compost I needed. As I spread that compost over the beautiful dark dirt, I remembered God's promises to me.

He loves me. He will provide for me. and He has not forsaken me.

I'm not gonna promise my garden will truly succeed this year, but I'll give it my best, because He has not forsaken me.

I Believe I Can Float.

I'm going to hit 3 different topics with this post. I'm going to attempt to keep them each short... ((unsure giggle)) ... I give you my best anyway. These topics have not much to do with one another, however, it's me, and this is only a GLIMPSE into my random mind, that I'm making sense for all of you. Did that sentence even make sense? It did to the ones that are like me, I'm sure. Anywho, moving on.


Number one:
Frugally Sustainable.
 As we've been learning more about this, some interesting things have been happening to us. Our basement apparently has a love/hate relationship with water. We can never seem to keep it dry down there. There's seepage after every heavy rain. And we've been recently trying to unclog our main drains down there, that have flooded up in our basement.... ew. As we were resolving some of said disgustingness, we were realizing our hot water heater is dripping. Seriously?! It seems it's one thing after another, all of the sudden. (don't even get me started on our van!) We have only so much to spend to try and fix all this, so we both decided, we're going to have to choose priorities and slowly get everything taken care of. My priority was not the hot water heater, so off it goes until it's turn on the list for a new one. We've been boiling water for all our hot water needs. It feels very poineerish, and it's really not so bad. Of course, it's HOT outside, so cold water is welcome right now anyway. It's made me appreciate water/ hot water, all the more. I have best friends in Africa that have to collect the rain water in huge towers beside their house, and THAT's their water supply for EVERYTHING! No "city water" for them. If they can manage, I'm sure can. 
If you want to be a huge target for satan to mess with your material items and learn more about how to live frugally then you can start here >> http://frugallysustainable.com/2011/11/23-day-frugal-living-challenge-join-us/ We're not very far into it, of course, but we're a working progress.


Number two:
Anger Management
If you've been reading my blog, you probably have noticed some posts about some "little" anger issues I have been having recently... I swear I feel bipolar when it comes to my emotions and circumstances that happen.
-I've gone from seeing the sun start to rise, to feeling worthless as it burns my skin.
-From hope of a fresh start, to history haunting me and taunting me. 
-From taking a breath of air, to quickly suffocating from sneaky hands that wrap their fingers around my neck.
-I've been fighting feelings of feeling like people around me (even good friends) are treating me like I'm a little girl that can't handle certain news. I've even been questioning who my real friends are. 
 My husband finally pegged it for me. (God love him) The deceiver has been reading scripture to me and I've been believing the lies that comes with how he preaches.
-The sun is rising, and my skin can burn.
-I'm capable of taking a first step, and capable of stumbling over the same stone I've already passed.
-I can breathe, and there are hands waiting to grab hold of me. 
-I have friends that are keeping things from me. 
These things are all "true". I'm not being gullible to lies. Then why do I have this need "to be done?" Is this it? Shall I eat worms now?
That's what he'd have me believe. There's more Truth that he purposefully won't nag me about. Where's the "more Truth" part? I'm finding it.
- The sun is rising, my skin can burn, but the One who made the sun is teaching me how to condition myself to it's strength. With every sun, comes a new challenge, a new purpose for what God has for me to do for Him. 
- I'm capable of taking a first step, capable of stumbling over that same stone, but because of Christ's blood cleansing me enabling the Holy Spirit to work through me, there is Power there that can guide and protect my steps. And no stone will stop Him. 
- I can breathe, there are hands waiting to smite me, but this body is merely a vessel on Earth, and I am a child of God that holds the power of Jesus' name over any true enemies. (demons)   It is God that gives me breath, not him. 
- I have friends. I have family. They need to get over trying not to upset me, however, they do it because they care about me. And God has blessed me with great friends, that have reminded me of that "more Truth" that I seem to forget sometimes.
I'm still a working progress, but I'm getting there.


Number three:  I saved my "not so much of a downer" shpeel for last.
I love my kids!
Naomi is getting so fat and beautiful. ok, I really didn't have any new information there. I thank God for my kids. Alright I love my biggest kid of all, my husband. You know, going through all this has definitely brought us together even more. It's given us a new set of challenges to face, but we know that together, with Christ at the center, we can overcome anything. I'm not saying that I haven't wanted to hurt him recently out of my irritability, (poor hubby) but he loves me so much, I'm not sure how, but that always wins me over, and makes me want to be that much closer to him. I absolutely LOVE our jam sessions in the morning and night. He'll play his guitar and I'll be on my ukulele and we'll play and sing until our fingers hurt. ... or until one of the "wingdings" needs our attention.
Genesis 1:31a  "And God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good."

Me and my other half. 

A New Leaf and Hay Fever

Wow.... I'm going to try and simplify all that I want to say cause, well... there's a lot.

Currently, our family has been seeking what God wants us to do for ministry next. As we were seeking this out, we were also "selling" our house, going to a church that's not "in town", and dreaming of maybe finding a church to minister with in ..hmm... maybe.. Colorado? (we live in Iowa)

I thought all this through one day and came to something that was so heavy, I couldn't wait to share it with my husband when I got home.

The answer became clear to me.... "Here"

Preface: We've been trying to sell our house (on and off for 5years) for reason of the fact that I don't like the city we live in, but also, its a 2 bedroom and we have 4 living and growing children. That makes 6 of us! To the average American, that's an "Oh my goodness! You guys NEED a bigger house!" That was our thinking too... until now. But for some reason, God was not moving us. We were stuck. We barely know our neighbors, I was rarely outdoors, or we were always gone, doing some church thing somewhere else. We have a good block, but the city is not my thing... I grew up in a small town. That's what I'm comfortable with.

I asked myself one day... Who are we trying to minister too? Why are we ministering? My answer? Hope. The Hope of Jesus. Whether you are a Christian or not, everyone needs hope to survive, and everyone wrestles with hope, especially if they normally have little to no money.

Ah, little to no money. Our family is labeled, "low income" family. For good reason, we make very little money, in our one income, no degree (yet) household. I'm not complaining, just trying to give you some insight to our present situation. We are living the typical low income life, living just within city limits life, mostly paycheck to paycheck.

We live in a community that is living the same way, the main difference is, Hope. We have Hope. Sometimes, we struggle with that even, but family (in the fullest sense of that word) are always there to lift us up because we are children of God. "God was not moving us." We need to be "here". We are in a huge community that need the Hope of Jesus, whether it be encouraging fellow Christians along the way, and allowing them to encourage us, or/also, it be people that have no hope, no Jesus in their lives. We need to tap into the community, we call ourselves stuck in, and re-frame our perspective into "this is the community God has trusted us with." "Here" is where our ministry lies.

We are living proof, by our income, and lifestyle, that even though life sucks a lot of the time, you can still live with hope and rise above this world. That there is more to life than status, income, and outward appearance. Then when we wake up in the morning, we don't have to carry weight that we can hand over to God. That we don't have to be controlled by "the man." That we can live frugally sustainable and be holy. That we can have fun as one BIG family of this community. We already have fun with our music, art, games, etc. within our house walls, why not go outside of our walls and share THAT love, THAT evangelism, THAT family fun that we were created to share. (True Church) Why keep looking outside of this community, that probably needs our ministry the most? We need to stay "Here".

After I puked all this up to Josh, we talked about maybe putting the words, "JUST KIDDING" on our "for sale" sign in the front yard, and give our neighbors a good last laugh.

Now, in order to successfully do this, we need to change some things. We need to keep learning to become as frugal and sustainable as possible. And when we do this, we'll be able to teach others and share what we've learned so they too can live, create, produce and cultivate the ground that God has given us. So although Josh and I have been living pretty frugal all our lives, we need to change our perspective of what it truly means to live frugal. We've learned that it does not always mean cheap. It does not mean we are deprived.

It truly means "to be content with what you already have." hmm. that sounds biblical! It also means to use what you have to it's fullest, not let things go to waste. Eat healthy, be healthy. Use your home and make it sustain your family and thrive, use your land and make it produce to it's full potential.

Now, we live on the East side of Des Moines. So our little lot may not produce as much as acreages would, however, it's what God has given us, and I believe He knows what He's doing. I'm not sure Josh and I would do so well having THAT much land anyway. We are content in having our small house. In fact, it's made our kids that much closer, not just in living quarters :) but also in their friendships. And of course, they don't get away with much cause I SEE EVERYTHING!!! MUAAHHHHAHAHAHHAA (evil laugh)

One of the main things we've heard about our home from others is how "real" it is. We take that as a compliment. It's not a mansion, it's the home we've made it into. We do love our home, and are continuing to fall in love with it the more we think about staying. We're planning ways to make it better sustain us. How to take care of our family frugally. It's not easy, it's work and sacrifice, but we know this is best for our family. We've learned a lot reading this blog (www.frugallysustainable.com) and we are so thankful to Andrea for sharing her wisdom. What a ministry she has! What freedom she's taught us! We want to do that, in this broken, hopeless world.

On another note: Praises to God, my Naomi is getting fat, and Isaiah finished his first year of "official" school. (whatever that means in homeschool language) ;) Tesh just passed her 2 year post op anniversary, and is beautiful and healthy. Eve has conquered her fear of water and has learned to swim without her wings, this summer! My garden (4th attempt) is growing a little, we'll see what kind of harvest we end up with. And the hubs is LOVED by his bosses, loves his job, and we can't wait to dive together into what God has in store for us in this community.