Good Morning Sunshine!

I've been awake many times in the night, I think I've seen at least everyother hour, if not sometimes every hour, but mainly to her moving and setting off alarms, a few cries, a couple screams out of her which led to me feeding her, but we made it through the night very well with no morphine. She is being given tylenol around the clock, as needed, but also morphine every 4 hours as needed, so it's good that she's gone so long at this point without it, and I"m watching her.... sleep like a baby. :)

As the night grew on and morning came, I got more comfortable handling her, and have been able to hold her a little closer. She is getting stronger, wanting to sit up and everything, realizing..... there are cords and tubes to play with, so we've had to be extra careful. Can't wait till she's "wireless" (lol) I heard some babbles early this morning already, her "daddadadaa". I got a little laugh out of her, and her smile is getting bigger again.
Her left eye is now completely swollen shut and looks like a black eye. The doctors have said that as this day continues, the swelling may get worse, effecting the other eye as well. This is all typical for this kind of surgery, so we were prepared for this kind of swelling to take place. She hardly looks like herself but hearing her sweet little voice this morning has let me recongnize my Teshura again. She's eating sparatically still, we'll be working on some normalcy today. She's filling her diapers wonderfully though:)  All labs and everything are normal. The doctor said that we'll be here in PICU for today and that tomorrow we should be able to go to "the floor" (normal ped. unit) We were hoping to be out of PICU today but our sweet conservative Dr. M has to be as thorough as he has liberty to take every precaution. They did remark how incredibly well she is doing, and that with her eating like she is (and not getting sick) that her recovery should be fast.

Thank you, again for any and all prayers as we work on recovery today and help her cope with her swelling.

She Already Smiled

Thank you, again for your prayers.

I wanted to share really quick her beautiful smile that is starting to peer out. She's swelling just a little bit more, but that's not stoping her from having a moment of smiles and play.

I Got To Hold Her:)

well.... I finally got to hold my baby, and it was bliss for 2 hours. She snuggled into me as much as she could and I loved every minute of it. Although she has been eating wonderfully, she has also been crying a lot, pulling and kicking her cords around. It's hard to keep her comfortable. This is very hard for me when you can only give them so much pain meds. and you can only feed them so much until there is nothing left to do but pray that she calms. I knew that the surgery was going to be the scariest thing to get past, but this is the hardest part. Getting her through the next 24 hours.
Please pray for Tesh's comfort and for our strength to get through this tough time. I am not so much physically weary as I am emotionally drained, which takes a toll physically and I'm starting to feel it.
Thank you so much for helping us hold our staff up.

God Saw Fit To Let Her Stay:)

I bring good news!

As I sat in the waiting room during surgery, there was a point where I started to get a little antsy. I would watch the desk receptionist answer phone calls and go and get parents. It was not near the time where our phone call would come, but I thought, a call to say she was doing well, would be nice. I believe the time was near 10am. I can't explain it, but I even voiced it that I wanted everyone to quiet down a little so I could hear the receptionist call our name when it was time. I was a little teased for the timing, cause we had a ways to go still, and I knew that to be true.
Then minutes later, that receptionist poked her head in and said, "Teshura Wing's parents? They are on the phone for you." I jumped up with anticapation as to what I was about to here. I was glad that they were so kind to call and give an update.
I got on that phone and heard the nurse tell me that they were closing her up and that she did very well, and Dr. M would be out to talk to us in 45 min.
I was completely shocked! With nothing else to say, I hung up the phone, relaying what was said with Josh, and then started bawling. I was so anxious to see her, and I was so relieved that IT WAS OVER! and SHE WAS WELL! I am so thankful to God for letting me keep her, and hearing our prayers. My heart is broken with relief. That's the best way I can put it.
As we came back to our "tribe" of family and friends waiting to hears news, some saw me crying and thought something may be wrong, so I quickly said, "She's fine, and I'm just so happy and relieved" Then gave them the good news.
About 30 min. later, we talked with Dr. M who said her surgery went smooth, and there were no surprises. He explained that her sagittal suture was fully fused, and that where the sutures come together in the front and back were fused as well. He said she took to surgery very well.
We were so relieved.
Since then we've been able to see her, but not hold her yet, which is breaking my heart. She cries on and off with either pain, and/or hunger. She is eating beautifully, but we have to move slow with eating to take every precaution.
Here's some pictures of her in the recovery room, and freshly in the PICU.

 

I Let Her Go

This morning has gone so smooth so far. Your prayers are all working. I woke up, alert and ready to take on the day, and...... I ate breakfast, which was a lot more than I thought I'd be able to do.

We got here at the University of Iowa Hospital at 6am. We waited for 10 min. before they took us back to a pre-op room. As Tesh grew very hungry, she became pretty cranky, wanting to be in her mommy's arms. I held her for a while as the nurses and anesthesiologists came in and out asking their usual questions, giving her the "once overs"

I wiped her body down with these special cloths they provided, put her in her gown, and watched as they marked her head as "the surgical site" The nurse called it, their "autograph". :)

Tesh became very worn and slowly fell asleep in my arms. Something I wasn't expecting.

 She slept in my arms until "they" came in to take her away from me. They told us to give our kisses and hugs and that they were ready to take her back. Sleeping Tesh was gracefully handed over and stayed asleep even in the anesth.'s arms. I don't even know how many times I kissed her. I slowly started to come to a realization of what I just did as I stood in front of the her, watching her sleep so peacefully in another's arms... the tears started coming down. I kissed her until she was out the door. Josh quickly embraced me as I cried even harder when the door shut behind her. He prayed for her, for us, for the doctors, everything.

I'm sitting here right now... little nervous, but overall calm. I found the peace I was looking for. I sought and I found. And it came just at the right time. Thank you my Lord, my King, my Peacemaker. :) Because of His love and your love through Him, I have found the courage and peace to take this day and be the mother I need to be. Thank you.

Green Light!

Thank you for all your prayers for peace. I have peace tonight and hopefully am able to keep that for tomorrow.

Everything went so smooth today as if it were "meant to be"

It's official though, we are to check in at 6am. Surgery is at 7:15, and they are expected to be done around 11:45.

Keep Tesh in your prayers for safety and quick healing. Keep Josh and I in your prayers for peace. Pray for Dr. Menezes, that God may give him wisdom and the steady hand.

Here's some pictures of us waiting at the hotel, having a relaxing time.

Where the Rubber Meets the Road

It's getting a little harder to breathe. I've been crying on and off, with thoughts in my head of my last moments with Sarah. Then I look at my Teshura, watching her, holding her, kissing her, wondering... are these going to be my last moments? I've had to work very hard on finding a peace about all this. I still haven't found it completely yet. I know that God has got all of this in His hands. I know that He loves Tesh. I know that He loves me..... and that Love is going to have to cast out my fear. (1 John 4:16-18)

I feel sick(from nerves) and need prayer for peace still. I'm not 100% we are going to pass "pre-op" due to a diaper rash that she has from all the antibiotics that she's been on and I'm not sure what her blood work will turn out to be like with all the past infections. I'm sad to leave my other babies behind, but I know they'll be in good hands with family.

I'm trying to believe with all my heart that she will be fine, like almost every baby that has had this surgery. The odds of anything serious happening to her are very slim.

My heart is breaking and may continue to until we are on the other side of all this. Where everything can only get better from there on out.... I can't wait to feel that.