the Final Ceremony

This is actually a picture several months after Sarah's Funeral, but I wanted to take you here so you could see where her body dwells. The ceremony was beautiful. White flowers, for purity. White flowers everywhere. She was dressed in a blue Christmas gift dress, that I had received prior to her death. Worn by no one else. My twin brothers Seth and Noah were her pallbearers. That was hard.... only needing two, for such a small coffin. My husband Joshua spoke his first sermon in the ceremony, that he had actually written a week prior, not knowing that he would need to use it sooner, rather than tucking it for later use when he becomes a pastor himself. It was entitled,"Contentment in the Coming Storm" I haven't actually watched the video, but I believe we have it. Just ask and I'll let you see it. Anyway, I was so proud of him, he spoke the truth, and learned how to stand on his crippled legs, ... I am honored to be his wife.
The ceremony at the cemetery was frightening. I remember not wanting to get out of the limo to finalize this. A part of me wanted to make, even this, last... cause that meant that I stayed close to the time that she was alive. Sure I wanted to heal, but I more wanted my baby back. I just couldn't accept her death. I remember sitting in those chairs that have those coverings on them, reserved for the closest members of the family. It was December and their was no snow yet. That part was perfect. It was cold, but there was no snow or ice to worry about. I sat there, I know I listened at the time, but can't remember quite what the pastor said right now, but there is one thing I do remember. My face hurt from all the crying, it was swollen, I'm sure I didn't even look like myself. The cold wind brushed against my face, as if the Spirit was drying my tears. I took a breath. I looked at that coffin, with all those pretty white flowers. That same wind touched my face again, I took another breath. Each time I was going down in my despair, that wind wisped against my face, and I took another breath. Some people think that God's healing just comes miraculously upon them, like BOOM, "your healed!" it's not true, not with grieving anyway. With sin, I believe that Jesus has already healed you, you just have to have that BOOM moment in order to realize that, and embrace the way He originally made you. It's a cross you will bear, but you will bear it, cause you are a child of God.
Back to the grieving part, though, you have to take it breath to breath. You have to realize that He is breathing for you. That's where the healing begins. That's all you are asked to do. Not to make a spectacle of how well you are doing. Not to smile every time someone sees you, masking your true feelings. If you have the strength and the urge to smile, smile. If it's walking, walk. If it's talking, talk. If it's sitting, sit. If it's crying, cry. If it's only to breath, then just breath. All these things God gave us because He thinks that it's beautiful. He made us this way for a reason. These are gifts. You just have to realize that they are, and embrace them. Let it be. Amen. Do you know what Amen means? I have 2 versions. I've heard people say it means, "I agree" or another is " Let it be" . The Sabbath is about healing, doing nothing, but sitting and breathing and taking in the healing that only the Spirit can do. Once a week. Just healing from life's trials. If you do not feel you are healing, I ask you, are you taking the time to be with your Savior, with your Redeemer, with your Healer? To find comfort in His Words, to know that He is God, to let the Spirit breathe in you? I'm still working on it, but I know that because I am taking that time, I am healing. (this pic is me breathing several days after she died)

May you be the creation that God has made in the image of Himself. Just as Jesus walked, talked, sat, cried, breathed, so you may find that freedom of doing so. May you take the time to realize how truly precious you are to Him who loves you. So precious, in fact, that sometimes
(and definitely, once a week, Sabbath) all He asks of us is to breathe.