Oh MY GOODNESS! Whenever I heard women, in the past, speaking of hormonal imbalances I just thought they felt a little icky and irritable, and needed medicine to control this icky feeling all the time. I never knew that it was so painful. Icky and irritable are minor details with what I've been experiencing. I've felt like I'm pregnant, on my period, AND possibly having menopausal symptoms. Not that I thought I was actually going through menopause BUT I sure felt like it. All these things hurt and were painful, among not eating, and feeling sick when I finally ate, migraine headaches galore!!! I was a mess with hot flashes, then chills, and trying to take care of all my kids during this, none the less. There have been a few family members (God love you for it) asking my husband if I was depressed or ok cause it was starting to show. Honestly, I've been feeling better, emotionally, but physically, I am not feeling well at all, most of the time, being in pain. Poor Isaiah, seeing mommy laying on the couch, often cause I just don't feel well. I sure wasn't going to deal with this very long before I did something about it. (it's only been a month and a half) I knew that THAT was not normal, soooo, I met with my midwife and she is putting me on "the pill". Not too excited about that, but if it will make all this painful chaos go away, ....... whatever! Besides this will save me from the rigors of natural family planning. I know Josh and I want to wait to have more kids until my body has had plenty of time to heal, so it'll be ready to undergo a VBAC. (and yes, I've found a wonderful doctor who will do it) He said that I have good chances of it going well due to the fact that I've had 3 previous natural deliveries.
According to my midwife, the more children you have, the more crazy your hormones get. I didn't know that. I'm not sure how the Duggar mom does it, but of course, she just gets pregnant again... :) I did start seeing signs of this before I got pregnant with Tesh, but then they went away when I got pregnant, so that WOULD fix my problem, but we, UNFORTUNATELY, can't afford to have THAT many kiddos. And my body does need to heal from the c-section.
I've definately questioned having more babies after all that's gone on with Tesh, but now that she's getting better, and being more "normal" I've found myself wondering about what the next one will be like? Will it be a boy or girl? Oh my, I'm so bad. Someone told me that I was addicted to having babies. I think it's true.
Well, I'm definitely not as eager this time around, I am enjoying my little ray of sunshine now. Hopefully this "pill" works and does it's thang. Sometimes I do wonder if God really created us like this, or if this is just the result of "the fall" ..... I don't know. sorry, I'm not going to make much spiritual sense right now. I'm very very tired. It's 7 pm, and I can't seem to stay awake. yes, this would be another symptom. I actually slept in till 7 am this morning, "Thanks Tesh!" But yeah, I'm just tired all the time. I know normally I try to give everyone a nugget of Truth, but I don't have much but to say that God is sovereign and merciful, and even in my pain, I know He's holding me, telling me that everything's going to be fine. Because I can't see His presence in these situations, I have to TRUST His presence is there. There's that word again......
Today was a good day though..... and I owe it all to Love..... which can only be God-breathed.
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