Remembering My First Home Birth

photo by Kaitlin Wessman Photography

All the research, all the preparations, and all the trust was coming into fruition. I had all these fears and hopes, trials and triumphs, doubt and trust all wrapped into one big ball that rolled along as the time passed that would bring this baby into my arms. 

I had 3 normal (vaginal) deliveries at the hospital. My 4th needed to be c-sectioned. So I was preparing for my 5th child. With the c-section rates at an all time high these days and trigger happy obstetricians, the hospital terrified me. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle any bullying from an OB at such a critical point of my baby's birth, as if I didn't care about the lively-hood of my newborn. 

I had heard all the horror stories. "Do you want your baby to die?!" a doctor said to a laboring mother when everything was going fine, labor was just taking it's time. 

I'm a SIDS parent. My 2nd baby (my sweet Sarah) died when she was 3 months old. I don't take ANYTHING lightly considering the care for my babies, in utero and out. I don't know how I would respond if a doctor actually said that to my face, when I knew in my gut that I was doing the right thing. 

Labor can be a difficult thing to wrap your head around. You have all these moving parts, trying to prepare yourself for anything, but psyching yourself out for a normal birth. Trusting that your body works can be a hard habit of self-talk, especially when you have experiences in your history where maybe.... your body didn't work. I had to have that c-section. I know this to be true still today. I remember feeling the intuition of it too. Something was off. It didn't feel right and something needed to be done. That c-section saved my life, but more importantly, it saved my daughter's life. 100 years ago, we'd both be gone. C-sections have their place and I'm thankful for it. But I did not want to repeat that experience all for paranoia. So I stayed out of the hospital as best as I could. 

So there I was, laboring in my home, my midwife on her way. I'm in my birthing pool swaying with the warm water with all my family surrounding me. The lights are low, my music is in the background and it seemed so surreal. There was no panic, no rushing nurses in and out, no monitors (although the midwife would check the heartrate from time to time). I remember the loudest noise coming from the kitchen when my sister in law was blending the cake mix together preparing for this "birthday". 

photo by Kaitlin Wessman Photography

When it came time to deliver her, I got out of the water for about 10 minutes to push her out on the living room floor and get stitched up. Then got back in the soothing water and enjoyed my brand new baby. I would look around my house and all the people that supported me through this and was so thankful that I did it! 

Ah... it was magical. After that experience I knew I wouldn't do it any other way. 

I respect the fact that some women are more comfortable in a hospital, or there are some women who opt to have a repeat c-section. This post is not to condemn or judge anyone for doing what they feel is best for them and their baby. My purpose for this post is to share my stories, but especially today I share this story because this beautiful baby girl that I delivered at home is 2 years old today. This is simply my tribute to her birth. Her arrival reminded me that my body works and it taught me that my body works even when I'm in full control in my own home. It was so empowering. And no one can take that experience with my daughter and family away from me. 

photo by Kaitlin Wessman Photography

Happy 2nd Birthday Naomi! 

Read my detailed home birth story here.

If you're curious about my story about my sweet Sarah' death, you can read that here.