Postpartum with Ruth

very sleepy... zzzz

Ruth, 3 days old

I'm pretty sure I have one of the best husband's EVER! He's been so incredibly supportive and helping so much with nighttime chaos of a newborn. I swear every newborn's fussy time is between midnight and 4am! ugh!! But, with some tag-teaming, we are getting the job done so far and every night is one little tiny step closer to getting a more content infant and getting a little bit more sleep.

I've already hit some "woes" to my nursing her. Everything was going great and I got through the engorgement phase and just like last time, my milk took a plummet in supply once the engorgement phase was done. So quickly, I was on "cloud 9" with her nursing so well and me having milk, and then all of the sudden... almost nothing. Hungry baby. Fussy baby. Dehydrated baby... and then... the supplements start. So I've been nursing AND giving a bottle with each feeding, so I make sure she's getting all that she needs.

There's my nice version of that scenario.... er... the less raw version...

Raw version? oh, alright.. well I spent Sunday and Monday is tears all day long, pitying myself, once again that my body hates me and is stupid. I began the grieving process of trying to accept that I may not be able to keep nursing this one too. You wouldn't think that I nursed all 3 of my first babies... 4th was out of my control, but 5th AND 6th??? All of the sudden... Kailan can't nurse? Seriously? I don't want to die, but I want to kill my body... that's how mad I am at my body... or should I say that's how mad I am at my boobs! Frustration is not even a strong enough word.

Anyway... with the help of family and friends reminding me what truly matters, I was able to get a grip on myself a little. I need to remember that even if I can't nurse, I am thankful there's other ways to get her nutrition. That even if I can't nurse, it doesn't mean I'm a bad mom or that this is reflection on my mothering. I tried and am trying! But I can't die on this hill, when the more important part about being a mom is making sure that my babies get fed; physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

So... needless to say.. I've come a long way in 3 days. I got depressed, but I'm trying to rise above it and know that everything is going to be alright.

So Ruth is about a week and a half old. And I need to remember my own advice to moms and say, "The first month sucks!" So... I'm going to keep up the good fight, but remember that the goal is to get this baby fat!

Ruth, 6 days old

Ruth, 12 days old. Eve, 6 years old. :)